Damn. Just as I get it all together I relapse again. I fell apart and now I’m building together and I just can’t stop. The euphoria of the high is addictive. I have the most powerful will and even that is not strong enough. I’m crumbling I fear the biggest possible loss one single slip can and almost has caused. Its coming above all as it always has. I’m not strong enough today.
Sometimes when things screw up you just press the reset button on the back right ? After so many times of resetting your settings don’t you get bored or annoyed ? I do. Once I have my life together and organized again I reset, sometimes I have to reset before I’m even done setting up. The stress makes me hit reset when it gets bad I start over and do everything over opposite from the way I have done before, I reevaluated and redo. Why can I not seem yo do it the way I need it? Countless failures causes me to lose faith in the soon coming future. How does one mess up this much. Who resets as much as I do. The dreams are back too. Today I dreamed of it again. This time I defended myself, a knife I grabbed, but he cut me. He sliced my wrist and he cut me deep. The worst thing is I took it. I feel the fear coming back. Why does stress make me feel this way? So my solution to cope is to blog. Blogging saved my life, I rely on the results once again.
Early life cuddles with her daddy <3 #truelove #daddy #forever #brandnew #newlife #forever #babygirl #cupcakes #sleepy #wakeup
I could travel to the moon, and visit ever star in space, and the mileage still wouldn’t measure up the the love I have for you <3