“If there is no ups and downs, it means that you are dead”
I just saw this without the picture and realized the deeper meaning…
Addiction is tricky. For example: a man who quit smoking for 11 years spent 15 seconds in an elevator with a man smoking a cigarette. He gave in.
What I’m trying to say is I think I love you again.
What I’m trying to say is I think I love you again.
“
| — | (via cumpressing) |
20 weeks later and he still keeps me up at night.
I have been spending a lot of time with him on my brain, the thoughts always lead back to him, since we met years ago I have not fallen asleep one night without warm thoughts of him. it has been months he has been gone. That’s months to move on and months to repair myself. Why have a failed? or could I be normal to take so long. I miss his skin. I carry a piece if him within me. a heartbeat that brings him to mind daily. Something to keep me alive that he left me with when I wanted to die. After the years of love and the memories one would make a movie of how could anyone fall asleep without the memories in their mind. I love him truly and could never imagine life without, because even when he is gone he is always there. some way, some how. When he goes he always returns. That thought alone cured the sleepless nights. But what happens when the thoughts run cold? What happens when the bad memories surface and you come to terms with the fact that those once sweet memories caused you to hold on to something that was truly gone years ago. I realize I have been living a lie. Pretending he was good, Pretending there was good days. I told myself he would do anything for me, he did nothing for me, he was a very selfish man. I told myself he would always provide for me, I always brought the bread. I told myself he would always be there, He bailed a million times, always being when the times got rough. The true test came and he failed, and some of me died that day. I begun to feel anger at a time I must feel compassion. I know hes making his way back, and its clear I am doing the opposite. And when he comes back, and repetitive history shows he will, I wont feel the same. and as repetitive history shows he will convince me otherwise. but I think I may feel slightly farther away, slightly less forgiving, what he did was big, and I’m not realizing how big. That thought has made the sleepless nights return. My soothing technique of thoughts of him has caused anger. I never want to love him again, but I never want a life without him. Forever alone one would say, But I felt that way once, I met him and he repaired the damage. This time, I do not want anyone to repair me. Can time heal my wounds? Will this injury scar ? The last one did not. but not all wounds are the same.
